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—I legit can’t remember the title and I JUST watched the trailer, not a great sign—was released yesterday and it spoils what I assume was to be a surprise for fans of the franchise (do those still exist? Keira Knightley appears briefly in the trailer, so Elizabeth Swann is back for Pirates F*CKING FIVE, REALLY? That’s pretty great casting—he does bear a resemblance to (younger) Orlando Bloom.

I would like to know how this went down, since it was widely assumed she wouldn’t be returning. But it infuriates me that, as he appears twenty-ish, the timeline of this movie must now be somewhere around 1760-1770.

It’s not like she needs it—unlike Orlando Bloom, she has successfully established a career outside Pirate-Land. By that time, Caribbean piracy was thirty years past its sell-by date and I KNOW, Lainey, I’m a huge nerd.

Also, Brenton “Eyebrows” Thwaites is apparently playing the son of Elizabeth Swann and Will Turner.

Johnny Depp continued his surprising Pirates of the Caribbean tour on Sunday when he joined cast members including Orlando Bloom, Javier Bardem and Geoffrey Rush for a red carpet event at Disneyland Paris.

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